Emotional photo

I just can't decided how to do this. Should I take a quick picture right now or Should I just pick one already taken. I do however, know I need to get a real camera!! I used to have a simple Digital Camera but its not on me right now. I want a pretty nice new one with all the cool fancy features. I cannot wait to have a job so I can finally buy a new pretty camera and take a million and one pictures.

 

 I decided to take a picture from the past. I picked this one because its one of the last extremely happy peaceful and emotional  photos I have taken. This was a particularly good time in my life where everything made sense and I was happy with myself and with my life. I had confidence in myself and in everything I was pursing in life. Most of all my heart was happy and in a perfect place.

I wanted a good happy picture of me where I am my truest self. I see this photo and see me without the secrets and sadness hidden deep in my eyes. 

This picture is peace, new beginnings, love, and pure joy for the life I am living. 

Happy Friday the 13th

Reality check Grow up

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

Right now my life is at a crossroads. This year I graduated from college thinking things would get easier. I thought I would have a job/real life by now. Yeah, that didn't happen. I basically spent my summer relaxing trying to figure out who I am and where I want to be in my life. I applied to a few places and have had no luck. For a while I just kind of gave up.

Labor day weekend was kind MY reality check. Seriously, what the fuck am I doing with MY life? We found out my boyfriend's brother is having a baby with his fiance. WOW new flash! They are even getting married.

Well, here is a little known fact about me. I have always wanted a little family of my own. I wanted the married life young. I wanted to be married and in the process of having a kid by the time I was 24. Today I am 24, and NOWHERE near ready for that kind of a commitment. Even after 5 years. Eventually but right now our lives are not even close to being ready.  

It was like a punch in the heart. I am going to be honest, I pretty much went home and cried the whole night....I just felt so sad because I looked at my life and realized I really have nothing going for myself. I have no job, No money, and no real foundation.

I decided right after hearing the news I need to get my life together. I need to be the mature 24 year old women I thought I would be. I realized I need to grow up and figure out my life. I can't get what I want by siting on my ass living through the eyes of others. I need to create my life. I need to make it a good one worth sharing.

Today, I end this post with my three goals this year, and for the coming years. 
           Get a job. At this point any job will do! I need money!!
           Its a dream I have decided to attempt. Get into an acting class.
           Have a family of my own.

I have many dreams and goals I want to achieve and this post is just the start of my beginning.
           

Yellow Lights and Motorcyles

Friday, September 6: A story about a time you were very afraid

 Summer of 2011 I was going through a difficult time. I was babysitting 35 hours a week long days, 8AM-7PM for a family of 5 kids 2 of them were teenage girls. While, also attending summer classes 2 days a week 12PM-4PM. The only day of rest Sunday. I seriously wanted to die by the end of the summer. To make matter worse my bf and I broke up during this time.  Summer 2011 was one of the depressing times of my life. It was hell trying to get through each day and having to deal with children just made for a very cranky sad Dannielle. I would come home at night sad and annoyed at everything and everyone.

Friday July 2, 2011
  The day from hell. It was the end of the week and all I wanted to go was home. On this particular day I was driving everywhere. To add stress to equation I had a mountain of Laundry to do for the family. Oh and did I mention one of the teens and I were having a terrible day together. Its 6:30PM and I had A HALF hour left. Then I was free for 10 hours before I had to be back the next morning. Before my temporary release I had to drive the 2 younger kids to a sleep over. I forced the older sister to come with me because she was my friend and I needed to vent.

After dropping the two little ones off we are driving home and we are ALMOST THERE!!!! TWO MILES AWAY FROM HOME!!!
WAMMM! CRASH! BANG! We get into a car accident!!! I will never forget that day. I was driving the family's car with the oldest daughter and we hit Not a car but a MAN on A Motor cycle!! Mother  Hell to the Lord. Really?!?! I have never in my whole life been so afraid.  We were okay and shockingly so was the car. I felt terrible and at that moment convinced I had just killed a man!
Thankfully I did not, he was badly banged up though. It turned out we were both at fault. A witness said it looked like he hit me. Bikes don't break well and he had to have been speeding because I did not see him over the hill before the light. But, I was still at some fault because I failed to yield at a yellow light. It was an unfamiliar intersection I did not realize how the lights worked. I guess a lot of accident happen there. To be honest it should not be a two way stop light.

Seriously have never been more afraid in my whole life. I thought I killed a man and would be going to jail. Now, given the situation the worst part was calling my mom and telling her what happen. I had been really brave mainly in shock and had not cried once! Until it was time to call mom. I still remember the feeling of utter dread trying to say the words "I got into an accident." I could feel my emotions catching up and knew  the water works were coming...

A time I was afraid....

On a lighter note due to my lack of money flow I had NOT renewed my License at the time so the very nice cop had to drive the car to remove it from traffic. I had to sit in back and wait for someone with a license to get the car. So embarrassing!!!

Things I learned
No you will not go to jail.
Yes you need to have an update license
Check double check and triple CHECK all intersection before turning left
If you Do ride a Motorcycle Please be cool and wear a helmet!!!!!

day 27 I DONT FEEL RIGHT

So the last few days I have been missing. I haven't done any work on the blogg. Sure I Have thought about it every second. However I did not post. I was also within computer range too. I'm sad about this.


Today I talk about one my kitten is attacking the computer this scares me. I'm worried she will scratch the screen. Oh boy! She is funny. I love this kitten now.


TRUST

Once it is broken it is awfully hard to get it back. Its has been an extremely bumpy road the last year. I have been through a lot and trying to deal with it all. I thought I was getting better I thought things were changing. I want to believe they are but I still feel unsure. I still feel like maybe this isn't true. Maybe I am wearing the blinders. Maybe I don't want to believe it because I don't want to lose you. I don't know. I just wish I could be told the truth. I wish that I didn't feel the way I did. It always causes problems But what am I supposed to do. I have to say something. I have to be honest. I have not been honest I have not been truthful. The pit in my stomach is telling me something bad. Usually it is never wrong. I don't want to be right. I don't want it to be true. But I have nothing left. I feel I am in a shadow. I am hiding beneath the tree. Afraid of the truth afraid I will have to face the light alone. My heart feel unsafe It feels scared and not in a good way. 

Why? d

MY FEELINGS
GREY'S ANATOMY

Callie: You feel terrible? You took advantage, he was your best friend. I tried to trust you. So much that I convinced myself that it was all in my head, that I was crazy. But I wasn't, was I? And then you pulled that thing in the cafeteria today. It's not bad enough that you humiliate me by getting in bed with my husband, you have to humiliate me at work too. George may be the one who broke his vows but you... we're women, Izzie. You did this to another woman. You took something from me. You stole something from me like a petty little thief. YOU are the one who should be humiliated. YOU are the one who should be ashamed. You are the one... don't you dare come to me for forgiveness you traitorous bitch.