Day 31

Blogging everyday of May is pretty over. The challenge I am sad to say was not as successful as I thought. However, it has opening my eye more to blogging and my thoughts on writing. I love sharing my thoughts with the internet. I like the release It gives me to put myself out there and let people see me.

Although I may I have failed at blogging EVERYDAY It did get my butt in gear and I feel I have become a better blogger and learned many new topics to talk about. Lastly, I learned how to put my blogg out there for the world to see. I have had the most view this month. It helps that I actually started real continuous work on my blogg too.

Blogging everyday has made me think a lot more about myself and my life. I have many thought I want to share with the world. I take pictures now and think hmmmm I think I might want to share this and see what other might have to say. I am new to the blogging world so blogging everyday of May helped me find more of a voice. I am still working on it but I feel in time I will find it, The spark that really bring who I am out and can connect with other readers.

May has been a very intense month filled with many different emotions and events. Its been a long month but I made it through alive. This was the month I found myself blogging about real topics and putting myself out there, I graduated college and no longer have to stress about school, I turned a whole year older. I went into May as a 23 year old and as of May 8th I turned 24! It was Mothers days and spent a great deal of much needed mommy and daughter time with my mom, Got to see an old friend whom I had not seen in over 6 months, I got an adorable little kitten Stella, I went out for desert, and found myself really trying to move forward in my life. Its time I made good changes. Without school hanging over my head I can start living. Look for a job, and enjoy my summer again for the first time In over two years.


So as this month comes to end a new month begins.


Dannielle


lastly, I will be trying this challenge again and hopefully make all 31 days!

Day 30

There is nothing like desert. So Yummy I always love going out to eat and getting desert. However, It does not happen as much as I like. This is because By the time Desert comes I am too full. So I often opt out on not having the yummy delicious sweets.

Well yesterday I had time to spare at the Michael's. He wanted alone time to be a man. So I went to hangout with his sister whom I love dearly. She is like sister I never had. She does fashion makes her own dresses and knit amazing hat! Check her out. Kitty Armor

Hats and More!

 
So yesterday we were looking for something to do it was late. It was either go look for desks at the store, go to my house and see my kitten Stella or just randomly we thought of going for desert

Desert won!! She had gone to chili's recently and had this yummy chocolate chip cookie with ice cream while I was craving the paradise pie My all time favorite desert. We debated and felt weird going for desert and only that. I was all for it. Rachel on the other hand was unsure but I could tell she wanted it. We were getting ready to leave and what does she do say "wait I don't know." I had to yell at her to get into my car.


It was so yummy, sweet, crunchy, and delicious. It had been so long since I had it maybe over a year. Such a nice random outing. We had so much fun sharing stories of spiders and body functions.

There is nothing wrong with going out for just desert!

 

 

Random picture from Google

day 27 I DONT FEEL RIGHT

So the last few days I have been missing. I haven't done any work on the blogg. Sure I Have thought about it every second. However I did not post. I was also within computer range too. I'm sad about this.


Today I talk about one my kitten is attacking the computer this scares me. I'm worried she will scratch the screen. Oh boy! She is funny. I love this kitten now.


TRUST

Once it is broken it is awfully hard to get it back. Its has been an extremely bumpy road the last year. I have been through a lot and trying to deal with it all. I thought I was getting better I thought things were changing. I want to believe they are but I still feel unsure. I still feel like maybe this isn't true. Maybe I am wearing the blinders. Maybe I don't want to believe it because I don't want to lose you. I don't know. I just wish I could be told the truth. I wish that I didn't feel the way I did. It always causes problems But what am I supposed to do. I have to say something. I have to be honest. I have not been honest I have not been truthful. The pit in my stomach is telling me something bad. Usually it is never wrong. I don't want to be right. I don't want it to be true. But I have nothing left. I feel I am in a shadow. I am hiding beneath the tree. Afraid of the truth afraid I will have to face the light alone. My heart feel unsafe It feels scared and not in a good way. 

Why? d

MY FEELINGS
GREY'S ANATOMY

Callie: You feel terrible? You took advantage, he was your best friend. I tried to trust you. So much that I convinced myself that it was all in my head, that I was crazy. But I wasn't, was I? And then you pulled that thing in the cafeteria today. It's not bad enough that you humiliate me by getting in bed with my husband, you have to humiliate me at work too. George may be the one who broke his vows but you... we're women, Izzie. You did this to another woman. You took something from me. You stole something from me like a petty little thief. YOU are the one who should be humiliated. YOU are the one who should be ashamed. You are the one... don't you dare come to me for forgiveness you traitorous bitch.

I like to blog every OTHER day

Day 22.

So apparently we have a new kitten.  I sadly am not as happy as excepted. So in my last post I talk about getting a kitten for my grandparents. It was the most exciting and happiest I've seen them. They fell in LOVE with Stella. However, her Pit Bull Dog did not like her at all!

Back story Mouch the Pit Bull Got attacked by a cat many years ago. It was really bad and my grandparents almost took her to the vet. So naturally she doesn't like cats right away. Thinks they will hurt her. Due to this when ever a cat would come around my grandparents they would say "get the cat" "where is the cat?" Therefore, she was trained to be a bully and defend herself to cats.

My grandparents didn't think this would be a problem. They got the kitten and Mouch tried to go after her. But they thought she was just being a dog and seeing something new. They needed time. Time would make them friends. But two days later it wasn't working and the kitten was being locked up.

Now last night there was a big mess, Mouch went after Stella. Their Poodle Pudding tried to stop Mouch and thankfully my uncle was there to separate them. Then came the call to my mom and I. The kitten had to go All animals needed to be protected. It was very sad. I felt terrible bringing in a kitten giving them this joy only to have to take the kitten away.

I felt like a DCF working taking a kid away from parents who loved their children but couldn't provide. Just sad My poor grandparents.

Now we have a new kitten and its sad. I feel awful as if I have betrayed my two cats whom I love with all my heart. Olive and Frisky My girls. My mom and I wanted another cat but not this way and not now. But here she is. We love her but its just hard right now.Mainly because I feel guilty to my grandparents. Stella was their cat.  Guilt Guilt Guilt.

I do love Stella more then anything. She is too cute with her pretty grey eyes and soft little body. I hope in time it won't feel so bad having her. Cause she is quite the Gal.

Here are kitty Pictures.

 

Olive Clearly the Black one and Frisky the grey kitty! My girls on my Bed.

Happy Olive

Stella Being Cute while Sleeping!

Forced

Love!

day 20

Today is all about struggles.

First off, this blogging every day IS a big struggle. I am failing miserably. I feel awful, I think about it and be like I should blog but then I don't, Or I am just not sitting at a computer. Yeah I can blogg from my phone but its a bit of a pain. After much thought I have decided I will make this challenge last longer then may. I will continue to work on blogging everyday for a month untill I complete a full month of blogging. I believe I can do this!

Lastly, this is main reason I have been away for quite a few days I have been on a hunt looking for a kitten. Back in March my grandmother requested me to find her a kitten. Now I LOVE cats and KITTENS! Kittens are my favorite and they have not had a kitten in there house like ever. It always made me sad to go to grandparents and not have kitty to play with. So when I was instructed to find her a kitten I jumped at the opportunity! So I drove in thinking it would take days a week at most.

I went straight to Craigslist to find a kitten because was  that was the only place I could find them. Well, it turned out what I thought would be easy was actually one of the biggest challenges and most emotional as every. The process was endless. First off, there was the payment issue. We wanted a free kitten and or inexpressive. $25 seemed reasonable considering these kittens were free for the owner and they didn't usually have to do much work. So we had to turned away from those kittens. Lastly, my grandma wanted a baby! Like 4-6wks. young I Know but she has dogs and wanted to kitten to know it sooner rather then later. Effecting the options of getting a kitten,

After searching for a month, I finally got a sure thing call back about a kitten and they were only 25 which seemed reasonable. They had just been born So I had to wait a few weeks before they were ready. Called my gram, she was happy and excited. waited a few days and checked in and did not hear back . so I waited   called again. Got nothing. Then made my  mom call and found out some elderly lady would take the liter. So I lost my kitten. She was going to be an orange kitty her name would have been Tilly. Since I was getting the kitten my grandma allowed me to name her. Oh and the kitten had to be a female. Yup that added to difficulty of finding a kitten.

Now we meet what would have been Samantha, So after been let down I found another person who called back., Middle of April they were born. So had to go back to waiting again for the kitten to be ready. These were blue Russians. Now they were for sure going to be a definite. I had been calling and checking in hearing positive things. I wanted to take them at 4 weeks and give it to my gram for mothers day buttt didn't want to take her too soon. So I waited one more week. I was told everyone was going the next week on Friday So I said a few more days and it will be okay. Alllll week I was excited and looking forward to this. Went to get an address Thursday Only to find out that they were gone! My kitten was gone!!  The landlord found out about them and they had to go and she lost my number. I was so upset I felt like dying. Here I was almost three months later A day away from finally bringing my gram her kitten and I had nothing. I cried for two day.

Back to craigslist I went. I was so mad!! I couldn't handle it. I felt like I knew what it was like to go through adoption with children. Its terrible and rips you apart.


So over the weekend I was determined.to find a kitten. I was getting one!  I was orignally going to get everything for gram as a gift along with the kitten. However, I found out she already had everything. Soooo. from that point on money didn't matter! We upped our budget my mom and I. I found a family who had kittens and they were $40 which is wayyy more then I wanted to buy. But I needed the kitten search to be over! So I drove with a friend over an hour sitting in traffic to get a kitten. Then waiting for the people to show up for another hour and a half.

Finally they show up in their little blue car. We made the exchange and I finally had a kitten! After THREE long Long LONG Months We had a kitten!!! I was so happy I could cry! To make it even better I got to hold the kitten the whole way home. Icing to the cake was my gram had no idea she was finally getting her kitten! I wanted it to be a complete and total surprise  and it WAS! She was sooo Happy!!

Now meet little Miss Stella Rose!

So Shy! "who are these people? Meow?!"

He is the cat wispier! Stella loves papa! 

Favorite Photo

Day 17
Favorite Photo

 

This photo is probably one of my top favorites.It holds the a lot of emotions and thoughts of a time in my life and I still battle with. In this moment I was very much in love with Micheal. At the time we were going through a break and it had been a long 6 months of us being a part but sorta of being together. It was a very painful time and I had been hurting and missing him dearly. Well on this day we actually spent it together and had a wonderful time enjoying each other and our time together. We spent a lot of time talking and holding each other. In this picture we are actually in a public bathroom at his work hanging out. He had been working for his dad and I was always allowed to go with and help out. It was a magical moment between us together. So in this picture I am admiring how much I love him and I'm looking to him. But also remembering that any second this moment with him could be gone. So I am literally cherishing every second with him and giving my whole self to him. Trying hard to show him my love. 

This photo is dedicated to Michael my first and only. Love. 

Day 15

Yesterday I became a college graduate. Finally!!

Yay I made it!!

 Let me tell you I did not want to walk yesterday. However, I was forced by my mom. She was very persistent on the need to see her little girl graduate. Therefore I attended the ceremony. It was terrible at first because I did not think Michael would make it, due to work. I was very upset and sad. Not to mention I did not really know anyone in my major very well.  Thankful,l for once my nerves were working with me and I approached some girl I did not know who was in my major and for that night we were friends. Then to make it ALL worth it Micheal showed up in the middle. I was able to spot him the second he walked in. I was relieved and excited in that moment.

Now, I must say even though it was long and painful. I am VERY happy I attended the graduation ceremony because I got to see an old teacher and talk to him for a second. I had this man my first year at Eastern. Now I was very new to whole lets take college serious. I took other classes before at a different school EASY classes.

 I took Psychopathology of Childhood. Now, first off this was my first Child psy class and I jumped the gun. It was level 300 which is very advanced in child psy. I kind of forgot I should take the intro classes to child psy first. And to make matter worse I was that kid that didn't go to class as often as I should have. By the end of the semester my grades sucked. No matter how hard I studied I could not pass. On the last day the teacher called my friend and I out and said we suck and need to go to class to pass. That is COLLEGE. I  failed for the first time ever. And I hated him for it.

However, because of him I was determined to go back and do it right. I did not give up. If anything it pushed me to really LEARN and INVEST in studying and ATTEND classes regularly. From that moment on I worked my butt off to improve and continued to take all of is classes.  From thisI learned how to study and I how easy his exam really were. He made everything real life. No multiple choice all writing. I really grew to like to his exams. They were challenging but in an understanding way.

The second time around with him went a lot smoother and I did it right I took the 200 classes first. and by the of end of that semester I loved him as a teacher.  He will forever be the most inspiring teacher I will ever have had the pleasure of learning from. Once I saw him at graduation I knew I had to talk to him. I went over and hugged him told him "It is because of you I was able to pass school., You kicked my ass and got my head straight thank you." He thanked me and said I will take that with me. Talking about it now I could cry because I will miss him most of all.

This post is dedicated to Dr. Danforth. Thank you so much for being the voice I so desperately needed at Eastern. You will never know how much you truly impacted my life and complete changed my outlook on school and my field of study. 

Dannielle

After Graduation!!