My Life At the Moment

September 23: A "life lately"

Its been a long unemployed summer...Now that fall has started I am trying my best to get my head on straight again. I realize I have nothing holding me back from getting employed so I am focusing most of my energy on finding work instead of being lazy and doing nothing with my days.

 Its been a pretty difficult time for me and there is a lot going around me that I am trying process and most of all accept. Its overwhelming but I try to keep myself positive and think outside of the difficult part and see the good.  Life is all about changes and accepting things you have no control over. I have to break these routines because routines can sometimes hold you back. As I feeling right now. My comfort and routine isn't giving me the best quality life has to offer.

I have learned over the years that I HATE change. I have the most Difficult time understand and accepting it. For example, I still can't accept changes from 5 years ago. I know I need to get out that mindset and I feel like right now I am seeing the bigger pictures. Although, I want everything to stay the same that isn't how life works.

I am learning and accepting in order to LIVE a life and have an ACTIVE part I have to take on change.  This will help me get to the happy place I want to be. This will help me reach the goals I set out in reality CHECK.

The storm is coming and I am ready.

Comfort

Blogtember prompt: React to this term: comfort.

Its funny because I didn't really know comfort until collage came. I convinced myself I had to live there each year and each year I would go home every chance I got. I love being home and it doesn't matter that I might have missed out because I was home. Home is where I felt happy I felt like myself. I felt peace in being home. It took my four years to realize this but it finally came to me in my last year at school. That last year I gave up the fight and just accepted myself for who I really was. Home is where I can be my truest self.

To me comfort is sleeping in my bed. Mornings with a warm glass of extra chocolate milk. Watching movies and cuddling with my kitties. Comfort is watching movies with Michael. Picking him up in the middle of night knowing tomorrow morning he will be there.

I love being uncomfortable because then I can really appreciate the me time I am about to have. I love not being home aay long knowing my bed awaits me. I love working non-stop knowing tomorrow I get to rest. I love knowing when I get home I will be greeted my kitties and be given extra love. I'm okay with the discomfort I experience when Michael is gone and missing him because We both love the relief the breath of fresh air we feel when we finally are together. It is the most incredible feeling when we are together after so much space. That feeling of being whole again is comforting. I could write forever on my comfort. Here is I a little list.

 Love
Family
Kitties
Friends
Chocolate Milk
Blankets
Pants
Pillie.
Home
SunRises


Discomfort=Comfort

Notice Me Before

Blogtember Day 12 - Creative writing day: write a (very short) fictional story that starts with this sentence: "To say I was dreading the dinner party would be the understatement of the century."

 

Hoping this is the correct link

To say I was dreading the dinner would be an understatement of the century. I knew it was silly of me to say "yes." I didn't mean to. It just sort of came shooting out my mouth. I knew I had nothing to wear. I knew I hardly knew anyone there. I knew I would stand out like a sore thumb. However, I knew he would be there and this would be my last chance to see him before the thing. The thing I hadn't yet accepted. I wanted to be there just in-case tonight was the night maybe luck would be on my side.

As I looked in the mirror I saw my reflection. I hardly even noticed my self. A small women staring back. I took the mind of someone else. What a short women she was. Wearing a black dress hugging her body so tightly you could see her hips and rib bones. Such a tiny person she was. Clearly she was caking her make-up to hid something. With breast the perfect size to be noticed. Her hair, well clearly she did it her self the curls are hardly staying. Poor darling girl. 

I looked to the clock five more minutes and the car would be here. One last look in the mirror I try to force some confidence try to find something perfect. This had become too difficult. I had come to resent my favorite feature because of the thing. The thing I hadn't accepted. "I guess my eyes are looking great tonight...Now Put on the Smile and go to the door the car is here" A sickening feeling over came. I had been dreading this night for so long. Tonight was my last night. Running down stairs I felt the Vomit. "Pull yourself together." Deep breath with a slap to the face. " I need this tonight." I open the door and walk to the car. 

"Maybe tonight he will notice me. Maybe tonight he will see me
Hopefully he will notice me
Hopefully he will see me 
Before....the Mastectomy'

 

Adventures of the Summer

GoodBye College Hello Summer

Mr. Man

Working with Love

Wonderful Moon

No sleep Lets take a drive!

Look what Michael Found

Meow I want to come!

                                                                                                                                         SunRise

A Memory

September 17: A memory you would love to relive

 I remember this day like it was yesterday March 2009

It was a day filled with love

The weather was warm yet cool.

You held me close

We smile and walked the beach

Cartwheels and Sea shells

The closer we were the better

You kept me warm and safe

On this day we fell in love all over again.

It was spring break so we decided to adventure out the the beach. It was my first beach trip with Michael. I remember the drive there. We held hands to tightly as if we would die if one of us let go. I was driving and admiring our hands. I felt the warmed in his embraced the intensity in our connection and love. It was a day to fall in love all over again. 

These moments I miss deeply and can now only dream off. I love how this became a yearly trip in our time together. I miss all the little moments we shared with smile and kisses. 

I would relive driving to school with Marvin and Pizza Pop breaks between class. 

 

There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

   Marvin Gay

Mystery Man

A letter...
 Dear Mystery Man,

The day we met was the day my life changed. I didn't realize all the mistakes I was making that day would lead me right into your vision. I did not know you were there waiting for me. I did not know your name. 

It was a weird encounter because I was releasing my fears so easily. Before, you I would never encounter a man that way. I would not even attempt to talk to them or look at them or even allow myself to entertain the thought of their being. However, on that Monday morning I allowed my brain to entertain the thought of you. I even allowed myself to speak. Speak words of jibber that made no sense. But I spoke to you. I looked into your eyes and you looked into mine. I smiled, you smiled back. I guessed all the wrong names but you still laughed. 

 Finally I asked "Do you have a girlfriend? DO you want one? Facebook?" We walked away. I was embarrassed. 

After a week of still wondering who you were once again in all the wrong places at the wrong time our paths crossed once more. "Mystery Man you must have a name" You smile and asked for a paper and pen. You were no longer a Mystery. You were a friend. 

You gave me something I never thought I was worthy of. You gave me Emotions and feelings. You gave me love and life. 
Thank you for everything. Thank you for your time. Thank you for the love you give.

Harry Potter, Late night pick ups, Diner, Kitties, Walks, hugs, kisses, Hands, 

Otter Love.

Love
Dannielle 

Always

Emotional photo

I just can't decided how to do this. Should I take a quick picture right now or Should I just pick one already taken. I do however, know I need to get a real camera!! I used to have a simple Digital Camera but its not on me right now. I want a pretty nice new one with all the cool fancy features. I cannot wait to have a job so I can finally buy a new pretty camera and take a million and one pictures.

 

 I decided to take a picture from the past. I picked this one because its one of the last extremely happy peaceful and emotional  photos I have taken. This was a particularly good time in my life where everything made sense and I was happy with myself and with my life. I had confidence in myself and in everything I was pursing in life. Most of all my heart was happy and in a perfect place.

I wanted a good happy picture of me where I am my truest self. I see this photo and see me without the secrets and sadness hidden deep in my eyes. 

This picture is peace, new beginnings, love, and pure joy for the life I am living. 

Happy Friday the 13th