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To say I was dreading the dinner would be an understatement of the century. I knew it was silly of me to say "yes." I didn't mean to. It just sort of came shooting out my mouth. I knew I had nothing to wear. I knew I hardly knew anyone there. I knew I would stand out like a sore thumb. However, I knew he would be there and this would be my last chance to see him before the thing. The thing I hadn't yet accepted. I wanted to be there just in-case tonight was the night maybe luck would be on my side.
As I looked in the mirror I saw my reflection. I hardly even noticed my self. A small women staring back. I took the mind of someone else. What a short women she was. Wearing a black dress hugging her body so tightly you could see her hips and rib bones. Such a tiny person she was. Clearly she was caking her make-up to hid something. With breast the perfect size to be noticed. Her hair, well clearly she did it her self the curls are hardly staying. Poor darling girl.
I looked to the clock five more minutes and the car would be here. One last look in the mirror I try to force some confidence try to find something perfect. This had become too difficult. I had come to resent my favorite feature because of the thing. The thing I hadn't accepted. "I guess my eyes are looking great tonight...Now Put on the Smile and go to the door the car is here" A sickening feeling over came. I had been dreading this night for so long. Tonight was my last night. Running down stairs I felt the Vomit. "Pull yourself together." Deep breath with a slap to the face. " I need this tonight." I open the door and walk to the car.
"Maybe tonight he will notice me. Maybe tonight he will see me
Hopefully he will notice me
Hopefully he will see me
Before....the Mastectomy'
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